


Tired.

by Nomin_Ambassador



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Depression, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Idols, Insecurity, Jaeno, Jealousy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, mentions of noren, nct - Freeform, nomin, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 09:16:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nomin_Ambassador/pseuds/Nomin_Ambassador
Summary: What do you think is Na Jaemin doing right now?Hurting? Probably.





	Tired.

**Author's Note:**

> I decided not to end 'I Don't Wanna Know' as angsty so this is for those who requested for Sad ending. In exchange, I wrote this similar to IDWK and please bear in mind that this is pure angst. I wrote this for only 2 hours so I hope you'll enjoy this even though it's shitty. 
> 
>  
> 
> again, THIS IS AN ALTERNATIVE ROUTE FOR [ DON'T WANNA KNOW](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11043177/chapters/24616536I). It's a stand alone fic but if you wanna know what i'm talking about, please do check it.

 

 

 

 

_“Ahhhh noren are roommates! Thank God.”_

_“Noren is such a cute pair! I love them.”_

_“Jeno and Renjun looks so good beside each other omygosh.”_

 

 

Jaemin heaved a sigh as he tapped the back button of his phone, exiting the Twitter app after scrolling through it using his secret account.

 

 

Everyone in NCT Dream have secret SNS accounts that they use to check on their fans and read feedbacks about themselves. But now, he’s just using his to check on his own unit, NCT DREAM. It had been 10 months since he took a hiatus because of his worsening waist injury. He skipped 2 comebacks because his doctor didn’t allow him to participate in any of them, saying he should just utilize the time to rest so he could join his unit when he’s already fully recovered.

 

 

At first he thought it would be fine to just watch his members go up the stage without him, receive awards and win in music shows without him. But as time passes by, it becomes more and more painful.

 

 

He misses everyone. His Mark hyung who always help him whenever he’s troubled, Haechan who always make him laugh, Renjun who takes care of him whenever he’s sick, Chenle who used to talk to him alot about Iron Man and Marvel comics, Jisung who always comfort him whenever he’s down, _And Lee Jeno._

 

**The Lee Jeno.**

 

 

Jaemin misses Jeno the most. How could he not when he trained with the other, they roomed together for years, they studied in SOPA together, they debuted together and they used to do things together. They were attached to the hip. They were roommates, classmates, they were bestfriends.

 

 

But the moment Jaemin moved out from their dorm after the company considered his condition and told him to undergo therapy and medication to ensure his health, everything changed.

 

From the time they spent together, to the minutes of calls they shared, to the number of texts they exchanged. They kept decreasing and decreasing until it stopped. The meetings stopped, the calls, the chats and texts stopped.

 

But how could Jaemin blame the older? Jeno’s working, while Jaemin is just sitting and lazing on his bed the whole day. He got so much time and Jeno doesn’t. He can’t just demand time from the other.

 

Jaemin stopped trying to contact Jeno after he realized how much of a bother he must have been to his bestfriend.

 

He follows the unit’s schedule through SNS. He watch their Vlives, stream their music videos and songs, he vote for them and he secretly buys their albums without the Manager knowing. He’s basically spending his hiatus being a fanboy of his own unit and as much as he hates to admit it, he’s actually enjoying it.

 

He can’t do much for his members, feeling like he’s useless because of his state. So he resorted to just supporting NCT Dream like a normal fanboy without anyone’s knowledge.

 

He goes to the company regularly, updating them with his condition and doing stuffs that the company ask him to. Despite the regular check ins and the location of the company being near to NCT Dream’s dorm, he never payed his members a visit. He knows they are busy with comeback and promotions, and he don’t have a heart to show up in their doorstep, being the bother that he is.

**Dream members could just use the time to rest rather than facing Jaemin.**

 

He huffed his cheeks as he laid down on his bed, putting his phone besides him. The room was dark, the light was off. The curtains were drawn open but the sky was dark outside. It wasn’t just a starless night but also a moonless one, not even sharing a tinge of light to illuminate Jaemin’s room. But Jaemin wasn’t complaining, he liked the darkness.

 

His phone’s light was off, and how he wished it would switch on, signaling him of a text or a call from someone he’s been missing so much.

 

 Last time he and Jeno talked was during the older’s birthday. That was the only time that he ever considered shamelessness and asked Jeno a little bit of his time. At first the younger was hesitant, stuttering over the phone and messing up his words. But the moment Jeno said yes when he asked him if they could go out on his birthday, he was ecstatic. Even though they could only go out a day before the actual date of his birth because of Jeno’s schedules, he was already thankful that Jeno didn’t reject his invitation.

 

_He wore his best clothes that day, he brushed his teeth twice, used the perfume that Jeno always liked, and even wore their couple shoes- as Jaemin likes to call them. It was the 6 th month since he last saw the other in flesh, of course he wanted to look his best that day._

_He gleefully walked to the bus station after he pocketed his gift for Jeno, singing his Red Velvet’s Russian Roulette as he went. It was such a fine day, the sun was shining brightly but the air was cool, balancing the weather. Jaemin also thought that it was his lucky day. The bus arrived as soon as he stepped unto the shed, and it wasn’t packed._

_He was smiling as he boarded the vehicle, sitting at the last row near the window. He rushed out of the bus when he was finally reached his destination, the Ice Cream parlor where he’ll meet Jeno._

_He picked the venue, knowing that Jeno liked Ice cream. He entered the establishment and looked for the best seat. He chose the one at the very end of the shop where no one would likely notice them, he wouldn’t want to attract fans. Even though the shop was empty and isn’t usually full of costumers, Jaemin wanted to be sure._

_Jaemin smiled as he seated himself, roaming his eyes around the shop noticing its cute pastel interior. The place was cozy, providing a good ambiance that could lighten any costumer’s mood. There weren’t any at that moment except Jaemin. It was just 2pm, too early for students who are the Parlor’s usual costumers to come rushing and get their favorite treat._

_He waited a few minutes more before he saw a familiar figure walking towards him. Jaemin’s face brightened at the sight of his bestfriend. The older was wearing a light-colored cotton shirt and faded jeans paired with his black nike shoes. It had been a silent agreement between him and Jeno that they should wear their couple shoes whenever they go out together. And the fact that Jeno was thoughtful enough to remember that made Jaemin’s heart flutter._

_“Hi Nana!” The older chirped as he settled himself at the seat infront of Jaemin, smiling with his eyes._

_It’s Jeno’s lethal trick, his eyesmile. And Jaemin would be lying if he’ll say it never affects him._

_“Happy birthday Jeno-yah!” He greeted, recovering the simple gift he prepared for his bestfriend’s birthday from his pocket._

_He gently laid the peach pouch that contained the gift on the table, earning Jeno’s curiosity. The older muttered a cheery ‘thank you!’ before picking up the pouch and opening it, gasping the moment he saw a black bracelet. The bracelet was made of thin threads braided together, embedding tiny white gem stones. Jeno grinned as he tried it on, the bracelet circling his white smooth wrist perfectly. Jaemin smiled at the older fondly as he watch him get overly excited with the bracelet checking it from time to time and thanking Jaemin 20 times more after the first._

_That day was spent well. They visited a mall, shopped and played in the arcade. But just like what they always say, time passes by fast when you’re happy._

_They didn’t even notice that their time together was already coming to an end. They bid their goodbyes with a tight assuring hug. And Jaemin knew, as he watched Jeno’s retreating figure, that he’ll always treasure that day._

 

 

They didn’t contact each other much after that day, Jaemin going back to his I-don’t-want-to-bother-them state of thinking. He was thankful though, that Jungwoo and Yukhei were there for him when he needed someone to talk to

 

The two became his frequent companion, especially his Jungwoo hyung since Yukhei always go back to Hongkong when he doesn’t have any schedule.

 

Jungwoo was kind and sweet, always taking care of Jaemin reasoning that Jaemin was younger than him and he has the responsibility of pampering Jaemin.

 

He was seen alot with his Jungwoo hyung since the manager that takes care of Jaemin is also SMrookies’ manager, thus making it easier to handle them if they stick together.

 

 

His birthday came and the company asked him to come to the headquarters to shoot photos for his birthday. He was glad, glad that he could show himself again to his fans who have been waiting for him. He knew that it was hard for his fans, and he wanted to return their efforts so bad, but he couldn’t do it because his doctor didn’t give him a clearance to participate NCT Dream’s comeback again. For now, he wished the pictures would atleast make his fans happy.

 

Jaemin opened his twitter that night, reading his fans’ greetings and seeing all the fan projects that they prepared for him. He visited some, and wished he could visit all but the manager didn’t allow him to exhaust himself. He cried from all the love that he was receiving, touched by the fact that his fans stayed despite him being no show for so long.

 

Renjun’s We Young teasers were also released that night, and Jaemin couldn’t help but stare at older’s photos. Renjun’s face matured a lot, turning from a cute little bean to a handsome fine boy. Jaemin’s insecurities kicked in. He always see fans liking Jeno and Renjun’s tandem, burying his and Jeno’s own ship after he disappeared from the scene.

 

Jaemin always liked seeing fans tease him with Jeno during smrookies era, classifying it as simple fondness with cute shipper fans. But Jaemin knew its deeper than just that. He knew the reason behind him liking when he is being shipped with the older is because he might be harboring genuine feelings for his bestfriend. He doesn’t know when it started, but he knew one thing. Jeno will never like him back.

 

He knew that he didn’t have any right to be jealous, but seeing the tweets and posts of fans about them, its making Jaemin’s heart swell in pain. He kept seeing the pictures that fans upload,from the stares that Jeno had been giving Renjun since My First and Last era, to the gentle touches and skinships that both exchange.

 

They seemed closer now that Jaemin was out of the picture, choosing each other as teammates and revealing about the activities that they do together like watching movies, one that Jaemin never did regularly with Jeno before.

 

They became roommates too, and that thought just brought another pang of pain on Jaemin’s chest. He cried to sleep that night, from all the wonderful words that his fans told him and from the destructive thoughts that drowned him into the pit of jealousy.

 

 

 

That night was NCT Dream’s showcase. Jaemin wanted to come, he badly wanted to watch and cheer for his members. But the venue would be full of fans and he couldn’t just march inside and ruin the showcase for his members.

 

Since there was no live broadcast, he settled with just scrolling through his Twitter and reading real-time updates from fans who attended the said event.

 

He laughed as he read the members’ jokes and witty remarks targeting their leader and Doyoung hyung who mc-ed the event. He was chuckling until Jisung mentioned him and Chenle catching cold. Since the three of them are the youngest, Chenle and Jisung being the only younger members than him, he couldn’t help but care a lot for the two. And hearing that they got sick made him real worried.

 

The members talked some more and they mentioned the room assignments. Chenle and Jisung were roommates, so is Mark and Donghyuck. Lastly, Renjun and Jeno were announced as roommates too.

 

Not that he didn’t knew about that, but he still got upset. Not from the information but from that hyped that they got from the majority of their fans that shipped the two.

 

Jaemin can’t help but let the catastrophic thoughts lurk around his mind once more, willing his tears away as he laid silently on his bed.

 

His feelings for Jeno are hopeless, he always knew that. But being rubbed by that fact was making the pain two times heavier.

 

He knew that Jeno would never look at him more than just as his bestfriend. He knew that if Jeno would like someone, it would be Renjun not him. He knew that he’s nothing compared to the other.

 

And seeing Jeno happy with Renjun, seeing the whole unit happily promoting, makes him question himself.

 

_Is NCT DREAM really better off without him?_

 

_Should he just… leave them be and never come back?_

 

He didn’t have the answers. For now, what he truly needed was rest.

**Loving someone who can’t love you back is pretty tiring.**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was scrolling through my twitter last night when NCT DREAM was having Showcase and I suddenly thought about Jaemin, asking myself the same question written in the summary. 
> 
> This is for Noelle senpai who's already this close to dropping NOMIN for Jungwoo and Jaemin's pair because Jeno keeps hoein around lmao. XD
> 
>  
> 
> -ROS


End file.
